(Tangent: I hate due dates. Why? Because it forces unrealistic expectations on the pregnant woman and causes people to panic and pester her about why she hasn’t had the baby yet when she goes past her “due date”, when, in fact, it can be quite normal and healthy for a baby to be born anywhere in the 37 – 42ish weeks time frame. That said, I’ve realized by not giving out a due date I’ve left the date up to anyone’s guess and since I’m “so huge!” and “so low!” surely I’ve passed the date by now! So I’ll go ahead and divulge that no, I am not ‘due’ yet…but soon. Like everyone, I am excited for him to come soon but I know it could still be a week or so but I have no magical way of knowing exactly when it will be. That said, I admit that I want him to come now but I’m trying to be patient and trust in God’s timing and Will for what is right for me and the baby and our family.)
Tangent aside, I admit there are silly fears and negative thoughts that plague me, especially at night when I’m trying to sleep and I have all my thoughts to myself. Like monsters under the bed, I know these fears are not real but my imagination can get the better of me at times.
It makes me think of Jesus, and how he must have felt on that Holy Thursday and the days leading up to his Passion. In prayer, he admitted that he did not want this. “Father, let this cup pass from me…” He did not want to have to do this…yet…”not my will but yours be done.” In his agony, he still accepted what was to come because he knew it was necessary, and God sent him an angel to strengthen him (Luke 22:42 – 43).
As beautiful as birth is, it’s messy, it’s uncomfortable, it’s exhausting, it hurts. But it’s necessary. And the result truly is a miracle–a baby, a human being, a soul — life! I must cling to this.
Thinking and looking for the positive in my children last week gave me a great sense of peace and grace so I’ll do the same now for me and the upcoming birth. (I’m sharing it here so others can remind me of these should I temporarily forget in the harder moments.)
My body knows.
My baby’s body knows.
God made my body for this; I can do this.
My body will go into labor, I will not stay pregnant forever.
Though I am “really low”, pendulous even, my baby will come out just fine.
He will not get stuck.
I will not die.
He will not die.
My husband will be my strength, my peace, my calm, my confidence.
My children will be fine, even if they are running around crazy while I’m trying to give birth.
It may not be “glamorous”, it will be what it is. It will be beautiful.
I will surrender.
I will accept.
Everything will be just fine.
I will remember to breathe.
I will dance and sway and rock as needed.
I will cry, laugh, scream, moan…quack, moo, or whinny if needed.
Soon, I’ll hold my baby; my son.
I’ll kiss him.
I’ll smell him.
We’ll nurse each other.
I’ll love him, as I already do.
I will not panic with the after-pains.
My placenta will come out, I will let go.
I can do this…I We can do this.