Are You Mom Enough?

25. June 2012 · 6 comments · Categories: babies, Beauty, birth, breastfeeding, breastfeeding, Education, Food, friendship and family, homemaker, motherhood, pregnancy · Tags: , , , ,

Motherhood isn’t a competition.

It’s not a fashion show or a beauty pageant.

It’s not a Cirque du Soleil crowd-aweing performance.

There are no Mother trophies; no gold, silver, or bronze Mother medals.

Yet, this is how motherhood is often portrayed and lived-out.

The controversial Time breastfeeding cover image is a perfect example of this. The picture unsurprisingly created a flurry and jammed up the social media world with all the usual short-term vs. extended breastfeeding quarrels. The typical battles between the I’ll-hide-in-my-closet-to-nurse and the I’ll-stick-my-nipple-up your *beep*-if-you-ask-me-to-cover-up breastfeeders launched on cue.

The photo is an inappropriate way to properly illustrate attachment parenting and extended breastfeeding (the real subject of the article); however it is a perfectly appropriate representation of the worldly “modern” mother. The question attached, “Are you Mom Enough?” sticks its scornful tongue out at all mothers; daring us to prove ourselves in the arena of competitive motherhood.

You’ll find all sorts of moms rivaling in these popular Mom Games.

The Games commence with the conception and pregnancy events. First, watch the prudent waited-till-we-got-married-expecting moms vs. the oops-how-did-that-happen knocked-up gals test out their archery skills. Then find a good spot by the Luge to see the waited-till-we-saw-the-world-together-and-got-to-know-each-other-first moms try to catch up with the expeditious honeymoon-baby-let’s-get-this-party-started moms. If you want to see a good boxing fight, look for the naturally-conceived-or-adopted moms vs. the artificially-conceived moms in ring # 3. Watch out though that one can get pretty darn ugly. And if you’re curious, don’t miss the canoe and kayak races between the one-to-two-children moms vs. the ten-to-twenty-children moms.

After this we move onto getting the baby out. Most of these competitions take place in the track and field area with moms competing in various speed, long-distance, and strength events. Here you’ll see the natural birthers vs. the medicine/c-section birthers. In another area are the hospital-natural birthers vs. the homebirth-natural birthers. And if you stick around a little longer you’ll catch the midwife-assisted homebirthers vs. the unassisted homebirthers.

And now, let the games really fire up with the feeding and child-rearing contests.

First, you can watch the formula-feeding moms duke things out on the volleyball courts with the exclusively-breast-milk-feeding moms. There’s a special cycling event between the I-nursed-my-baby-for-six-months moms vs. the long-distance extended-breastfeeding-my-8-year-old-while-running-the-Pikes’-Peak-Marathon moms. For a change of scene, head inside for a special fashion show/beauty contest between the blushing blanket-over-my-head-while-nursing moms and the topless nipple-in-your-face breastfeeding moms. While you are inside, survey the contrasting skating duets of the graceful sit-on-the-rocking-chair-with-a-boppy-pillow moms and the fancy breastfeeding-while-skating-on-one-foot-and-cooking-a-gourmet-feast moms.

If these events bore you, mosey on over to the rodeo stadium to see contending moms wrangle their bucking toddlers and steer their rebellious teenagers. Too intense for you? Take a peaceful stroll through the nature preserve out back and take a peek at the sing-songy-bunny-loving moms competing for the Gentle Discipline and Nicest Moms awards. For some real excitement, buy some tickets to the fencing matches between the dictator-totalitarian moms vs. the lets-be-best-friends-forever moms. (Can you guess who will win?)

If you have time, check out the working moms vs. the “stay-at-home”-mom obstacle course, the tug-of-war between the eco-friendly-cloth-diapering-gluten-free-cook-everything-from-scratch mom vs. the climate-changing-earth-hating-disposable-diapering-processed-sugar-high-fructose-corn-syrup-partially-hydrogentated moms, and the homeschool vs. public school vs. private school triathlon.

Ok, so there aren’t any Mom Games in real life but sometimes being a mother in today’s world can feel like there are. I was thrust into this world of competitive motherhood shortly after my first child was born. Suddenly, everything I thought I knew about being a good mother didn’t matter anymore; my daughter either hadn’t read or disagreed with all the great parenting experts on breastfeeding, sleeping, and just about everything. I floundered around for a while trying to earn my keep and prove myself in my new role. As I read about and discovered all the different ways of parenting, I would latch onto a new method or idea and stubbornly try to make it work.  And, ashamedly, in an effort to boost my own self-esteem, I developed high-and-mighty judgmental opinions about which ways were the best or better ways to be a mother. Whatever I was doing was the best way and every other mother should do it this way too. Like the image of the woman on the Time cover, mothering was about proving a point instead of following my own instincts and heart.

Thankfully, my children threw reality back in my arrogant face and forced my attention back where it belonged: on them – not on what other mothers were doing or what other children did/didn’t do. Once I started refocusing, I realized many of the ideas I thought sounded or looked cool in theory or worked well for others, weren’t necessarily meant for me. It wasn’t just a matter of if I could walk in those “clothes”, like Simcha Fischer frankly points out, it’s about whether they fit me, my children, and our family.

Now, pregnant with our fourth, I’ve sorted through my collection of parenting techniques and philosophies; some things are worth keeping for now or later and some need to get tossed out for good or given away for someone else to try. I’m still learning, still trying to stand high on my pedestal and still falling flat on my face over and over again. Each time, I am reminded again that it’s not about whether I am “Mom Enough”, it’s about whether I can love and accept my kids and our family as we are and let that be enough.

“Famil[ies], Be Who you Are” John Paul II

 


Breastfeeding your Breast Cancer Chances Down

19. October 2011 · 3 comments · Categories: breastfeeding, Random · Tags: ,

Speaking of fighting breast cancer the ‘green’ natural way, my good friend and super-lactating friend, Erin, kindly requested I share some information about how breastfeeding can help lower the risk of breast cancer. Being a lactator myself and being a woman who wants to do whatever I possibly can to reduce my and other women’s chances of breast cancer, I was more than happy to share some information on that.

However, also being a lactating mom with a two-year old who still doesn’t sleep on his own through the night, my time and energy is limited so instead of conducting my own research I Googled 3 different articles that provide their own research studies or sources.

This first article, from WebMD, provides good information about how breastfeeding may play a part in breast cancer risks.

  • “Women with a family history of breast cancer who have ever breastfed reduce their risk of getting premenopausal breast cancer by nearly 60%, according to a new study.”
  • “Overall, in the whole group of women we studied, women who had breastfed were 25% less likely to develop premenopausal breast cancer than women who had never breastfed.”
  • “Among those with a family history, those who had breastfed had a 59% reduced risk for premenopausal breast cancer compared to those who never breastfed.”
  • “The breastfeeding did not have to be exclusive breastfeeding, without formula use.”
  • “The protective effect began with three months of breastfeeding…That’s three months total, she says, not just for a single child. So a mother may have breastfed two children for a month and a half each and gotten the benefit, for instance.”
  • “Even so, she calls the association “exciting” because breastfeeding is an action women can take to reduce their breast cancer risk, while many other risk factors — such as having a family history — are not modifiable.”

And if you can also find some interesting studies by searching for “breastfeeding and breast cancer” at PubMed. Like this one. It’s in spanish but they basically found… “a significant correlation (p = 0.001) between the age of cancer diagnosis, length of breastfeeding, and the existence of personal and family history for cancer.”

La Leche League International also is a great place to go for information and support for breastfeeding. They have a good article about a study in the Lancet showing that increased duration of breastfeeding decreases the risk of breast cancer. Here are some stats from that:

  • “The reanalysis of data from 47 epidemiological studies in 30 countries compared over 50,000 women who had breast cancer with a control of 96,000 women who did not have the disease.”
  • “Increasing the duration of breastfeeding of each child for only six months could prevent an estimated 25,000 cases of breast cancer each year.”
  • “In addition, if each child were breastfed for an additional twelve months, approximately 50,000 cases could be prevented annually in Western populations where breast cancer is most prevalent.”
  • “68 percent of mothers in US hospitals initiate breastfeeding.”
  • “Only 31 percent are still breastfeeding at six months of age.”

Ok so those are some pretty great stats for women who have breastfed their babies, even for a little bit, especially for those with a family history of breast cancer. Cancer happens when there is a rapid overgrowth or excess of dead cells that never were released. It’s like a floor or wall that had a major water leak but was never cleaned up well enough and so mold started to grow and it just kept growing until there was a terrible mess of uncontrollable mold. I know that’s not a perfect analogy but that’s how I personally think of it. I understand that eating well and following other prevention tips will not guarantee a woman will not have breast cancer, but it won’t hurt to do whatever we can to help our bodies get rid of dead or diseased cells and toxins to stay healthy and well.

It’s funny, though, with all the focus on breast detection and self-examinations, and awareness about breast cancer, sometimes it seems like we’ve forgotten about the breasts and what they are made to do—feed life-sustaining liquid gold awesome yummylicious germ-fighting milk into our babies tummies. The stats and studies, like the ones shared above, seem to indicate that something might be going wrong in a woman’s body when she becomes pregnant and her breasts’ milk ducts produce milk, but then for whatever reason don’t actually get to release it and give it to the baby the same body that created the milk also grew. And, conversely, there may be something really great going on in a woman’s body when she is able to breastfeed her babies and release all that milky goodness into another human being.

So if you are currently breastfeeding, have breastfed, or are pregnant and thinking of breastfeeding–go you! All those long breastfeeding sessions, all those times you had to stop what you were doing to sit and nurse for the upteenth time, all those times you had to get up at night to lift your shirt up one more time, all those times of cracked and bleeding nipples, of breast infections and mastitis, of walking around the house topless while praying Hail Mary’s and warning your husband never to touch your breasts again as long as he lives….you can smile and be happy to know that it was all worth it–not just for your baby, but even for you too!

 

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