A Deep Burning


Family, Marriage, Random / Friday, December 27th, 2019

I miss writing. So much. I miss sitting at the computer and typing out my thoughts, feelings, desires, ponderings.

Life has led me to other adventures that leave little to no time – or mental energy – to write and blog. But I have so many things I want to write about and share with whoever wants to read it.

Do people even read blogs anymore?

I used to love writing just for myself and for whoever might come across it. Then it became a thing that might gain me some small amount of fame or fortune but that was always in conflict with my deep-down desire to just write and share my heart. My heart’s been on fire with this desire.

So that’s what I’ll go back to.

Today, my heart is feeling full. Singing for joy in fact. Full with gratitude: a deep, profound, genuine gratitude.

God is so good. So, so good.

Seventeen years ago an event occurred. I was in the back of a church. I looked up, shrugged my shoulders with a smile, said – Ok, God, I’m not sure what this will bring exactly but I know You’ve led me here so here goes…

I opened my eyes, looked into the church waiting me for me to enter. Then I jumped. (not literally because that would be hard to do in a wedding dress.)

I walked out into the church, met my dad’s hand (which is a whole thought of its own but I’ll stick with the one I’m on for now) and walked down the aisle, the path to my betrothed waiting for me. My dad and I embraced and he handed me over to a new man, my betrothed.

My betrothed clasped my hand – as if he’d been waiting for me his whole life. (it can be a tad nerve-wracking waiting up there alone with everyone watching you) Then, hand-in-hand, we walked together to the altar.

At this altar, we laid down our whole lives as an offering to God. We brought our pasts as individuals – all our memories, our identities, our pains and our joys – and asked God to take us and make us one.

With the wine, and the bread, God took our offering and entered into us and the wine became His blood, the bread His body, and us His Love.

Christ’s precious body and blood was then offered to all who choose to come and receive Christ – God made flesh – into them. We received Him, together and as one so that He could be in us and in our marriage.

For seventeen years, that sacramental Grace we received then – and continue to through the Sacraments – pumps through our marital flesh, and boy oh boy have we needed it! His Grace has strengthened and sustained us, it has molded us like water does to the earth over time, creating space for streams and flowing rivers of His Grace.

His Grace has broken us and widened our capacity for love.

Being broken open and widened has been painful, for sure, but now I can see what God has brought forth from that process. He has brought forth life and we have received four – FOUR! – whole, new human persons that wouldn’t have ever existed into our lives and into this world. A beautiful daughter and three amazing sons. In that gift of life and becoming a family his Grace has humbled us and united us in our individual struggles and the ones we’ve endured together. He has transformed us into people we never could have become without Him, without each other, without His freely offered Grace.

My husband is really truly the love of my life. And for him and for each of these beautiful humans that have grown from our love, my heart sings and surges with a deep, profound gratitude.

God is good, so, so good.

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