While I’ve spoken out with what may seem a harsh conviction against same-sex marriage and homosexual acts, I want to say that I do not hate those who suffer from homosexuality, and I do have compassion and empathy for the cross they carry.
There have been some great discussions going around concerning how to ‘love the sinner and not the sin’.
What started it: Kate Childs Graham‘s rather unCatholic presentation at National Catholic Reporter, Love the Sinner. Period, of Jesus’s message about admonishing the sinner and not judging.
“Then, I started to wonder why we need to hate at all. Certainly, Jesus didn’t teach that. Jesus was all about love. Love God. Love our neighbors. And on one occasion he even said to his followers, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” And not one of them threw a stone at the woman who had been accused of adultery. They all were with sin. We all are with sin.”
Of course after the dust settled Jesus followed up with the woman and said, “Go and sin no more.”
I highly recommend reading through Thomas Peters authentically Catholic response, Love the Sinner. Really
“Graham is correct that one cannot separate what people do from who they are, on one level. If I murder someone, that makes me a murderer. But my action to murder, we know as Christians, is not the last word in my life. There is forgiveness, even of murder, and certainly of homosexual acts. The tens of thousands of chaste people with homosexual inclinations is proof of this. We are all sinners who have sinned, but some of us have sought forgiveness. And those who have been forgiven of sins always realize that they have, in fact, sinned. Graham does not seek forgiveness for her sin, again, because she does not believe (or does not admit) it is sinful.”
But so how do you talk to people who support same-sex marriage? If one of my sons one day told me they were gay or a family member did, I’d still love them and try and find common ground while still agreeing to disagree and encouraging them to seek support while living a chaste life in spite of their disorder in the same way I’d encourage a friend with an eating disorder to look for support while trying to stay healthy despite her disorder.
My good friend also shared Inside Catholic’s guide of Five Ways to Talk to the Left about Same-Sex Marriage
In there, they rightfully remind us that:
“the particular inclination of the homosexual person is not a sin.” Only actions are sinful. You can also point out that you believe fornication and adultery are sinful, showing that it isn’t about the orientation, but the action.
Lastly, “we are told that if we truly loved gay people, we would support the gay marriage movement. But true love always draws the beloved away from harmful behaviors, “always chooses the good of the person loved,” as [Christopher] West puts it. Only a false compassion permits another person to drink the poison he wishes.
P.S. many have already discovered this but I want to recommend this article over at Catholic Exchange again: Gay Marriage and the End of Christian Civilization The article is great but the back and forth discussion between Mary Kochan and a self-proclaimed homosexual anglican priest is a must read! She definitely isn’t afraid to say things how they are.
For example, when accused of being judgemental and like the pharisess she says, “Give it up. We aren’t going to be cowed by this ‘though shalt not judge’ whining crap any longer. We will call it out for the craven attempt at manipulation, intimidation, and Scripture twisting that it is. The Pharisees claimed to perfectly keep God’s law and therefore to be better than the masses of people whose difficult lives made adhering to the jot and tittle of the ceremonial Jewish law very hard. We are not claiming to be better than you are. [my emphasis] We are not even judging the state of your soul. We are saying with great clarity that you are engaged in an objective moral evil and violation of God’s law.”
How will depriving same-sex couples the right to marry keep them from sinning while showing them your love? I think it’s fairly obvious that the church’s apposition to gay rights has made caused more division and antagonism. The myth of a homosexual man or woman suddenly repenting and loving the Church because they appose their basic rights is pretty hard to sell. It seems you have bought it though.
Brian,
It’s not the Church’s job or anyone elses job to “keep them from sinning” as that is a personal choice. The Church’s job and the job of the members of the church, is to speak the truth and condemn & publicly oppose that which is sinful while at the same time offering hope and forgivness and support for those who struggle with sin, which we all do (struggle with sin).
If a man or a woman struggles with a sin, for example, like an addiction to child-pornography or worse believes in a ‘special love’ between adults and children and acts on this sin, the Church would condemn that sin, oppose any sexual acts between adults and children (even if this were to become a ‘right’), and then lovingly offer these adults support for their sinful struggle through counseling and grace through confession and the other Sacraments.
A simple ananology: If my child wants to smoke, as a parent I would tell him not to of course and give him reasons why it would hurt him & others etc. My child, being rebelliuos in nature, might choose to smoke more in spite of me. He can hate me and my continued opposition to his ‘right’ to smoke. It’s his decision, and he’ll live with the consequences. Knowing these consequences, it would be my job as a loving parent to oppose his choice and prohibit smoking in my house etc and offer him a way to quit and avoid temptations to smoke.
The Church and all her members want one thing for everyone: JESUS. Jesus didn’t say it would be easy to follow Him. We are all sinners and we all struggle on our path to Him. Each time we ask for forgiveness and repent, we take a step closer to Him. When we do not ask for forgiveness for our sins and when we do not repent or make efforts to avoid sin, we take steps backward.
This quote by St. Thomas More also sums up my feelings well:
“Bear no malice or evil will to any man living. For either the man is good or wicked. If he is good and I hate him, then I am wicked. If he is wicked, either he will amend and die good and go to God, or live wickedly and die wicked and go to the devil. And then let me remember that if he be saved, he will not fail (if I am saved too as I trust to be) to love me very heartily, and I shall then in like manner love him. And why should I be now, then, an an enemy to him with whom I shall in time be coupled in eternal friendship? And on the other side, if he will continue to be wicked and be damned, then there is such outrageous eternal sorrow before him that I may very well think myself a deadly cruel wretch if I would not now rather pity his pain than malign his person.”
St. Thomas More