“Just Trust God”

15. November 2012 · Write a comment · Categories: faith · Tags: , ,

A few weeks ago my six-year-old son was bit by a dog on his leg. He is ok, thank God, but it was a scary moment for all of us. It happened so fast and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I hated seeing him so scared. Later on he asked me why I didn’t protect him and it just broke my heart. I told him I did as much as I could and I’m glad he was not hurt worse but I still wish there was something I could have done to prevent it.

I love my kids so, so much and I hate to see them suffer. Sometimes, I can’t sleep at night thinking of all the bad things that could happen to my children and my heart clenches in fear. Will they be healthy? Will they have good friends? Will they get picked on and bullied so bad that it breaks them? Will they be the bully or break someone else’s heart? Will they be safe? Will they make good choices and stay happy and close to God?

There is so much suffering in this world, so much pain. A good friend recently lost her little brother by an unfortunate gunshot incident; another friend’s sweet little girl was also bit by a dog in her head earlier this year and is still trying to heal; a friend and mother of ten children in my parish has very invasive breast cancer and will most likely have a full mastectomy soon. And on top of all that, the man who I feel has already brought so much damage to our economy and personal liberties in this country was re-elected for another four years – I can’t help but be concerned for how this will directly affect our Catholic Church and our religious liberties in this country, our family, and so many other families already struggling around the country.

However, instead of letting this drive me into a fearful desperation or living every day in worry, I choose to give up – to God – who is more powerful and bigger than all of this. (I often overhear my boys talking about how big God is. They go through various comparisons until my oldest finally says to his little brother, God is bigger than everything!)

It’s in these moments of adversity that I have to acknowledge that I am powerless against all this. There are other hardships my kids and family will endure that I cannot stop. During these times, when I can’t do anything else, I say to God, “Well, I guess I’ll just have to trust you with this.”

That said I have to admit that sometimes I get tired of merely “trusting in God”. I hear that phrase so often it loses its meaning after a while. What does it really mean, “Trust God”?

Does it mean I can just sit around and do nothing assuming God provide our family with money, food, clothing, shelter, etc?

Does it mean I don’t need to take care of my kids, teach them safety rules and help them make good decisions and just think, “Oh God will take care of them”?

Does “trusting God” mean nothing bad will ever happen to me or my family?

No.

As much as we don’t like it, suffering and hard times are part of this life. Everyone’s life is different, some go through harder trials or live through more suffering than others, but nobody’s life is perfect. Rich, poor, woman, male, black, white, olive, brown, pink, orange—we all have struggles.

If God loves us so much, why allow us to suffer? If He so powerful, enough to create the world and send us His only Son through a virgin, why not just send all the bad stuff away with a wave of his hand? It’s true, He does love us infinitely and yes, He could just wave it all away.

But His love is real, not forced or pretentious. He loves us so much that He respects us enough to let us make our own choices instead of forcing His Will onto us. He is God, not some Titan who meddles with nature at His whim. He’s not a genie or a fairy and won’t wave a magic wand and just make it all go away.

However, He sends us His grace to endure what we have to do with His strength and courage.

Trusting Him means knowing that He is with us – “Emmanuel” – in the good times and the bad times. He is here to share in our joys and in our sorrows. He is here when we are well and happy and when we are sick and in anguish. He is here, right here, with us. Suffering along with us, laughing with us, crying with us, smiling with us, frowning with us. He’s been with us since the beginning, he’s with us now, and He’ll be there with us when we finally cross that finish line and collapse, exhausted and relieved, into his loving arms.

I couldn’t stop that dog from biting my son, I couldn’t stop his pain and fear. But I could hold him and comfort him while he endured it.

“Jesus, I trust in You, Jesus, I trust in You, Jesus, I trust in You. “

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart“

 


I believe in Jesus Christ, incarnate of the Virgin Mary

12. November 2012 · Write a comment · Categories: faith · Tags: , , ,

“I believe in one Lord Jesus Christ, the Only Begotten Son of God, born of the Father before all ages. God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God, begotten, not made, consubstantial with the Father; through him all things were made. For us men and for our salvation he came down from heaven, and by the Holy Spirit was incarnate of the Virgin Mary, and became man.”

God loves us and wanted to reunite with us after we turned our backs on him. He knew he needed to come to us in a way we could all understand, in a way that was ‘normal’ or we wouldn’t be able to handle it. So, he came into our world like the rest of us, through a woman. Yes, that’s right, a woman. One had betrayed him before; yet, he forgives . He knew it would have to be through another woman that He could deliver his message of forgiveness and mercy. It would have to be someone special, gentle, loving…beautiful.

Someone simple, yet extraordinary.

Someone faithful, yet humble.

Someone different, yet…the same.

From the beginning, he knew her. He loved her. He saved her and preserved her not just for himself, but for His Son and for all of us.

He fell in love with her and chose her out of ALL women. He sent His messenger to her, inviting her to accept Him as her Lord, her Savior, her beloved…her Son.

Her answer?

“Yes.”

With only a question of logistics, this young woman gave her whole life, her whole body, her whole self over to God, and to us all.

On that day, Mary, the little Virgin, became the Mother of God. Yet, she never let that get to her head. For her, she was still God’s little handmaid–His loving servant. She had nothing in her heart but LOVe. And now, she would carry that LOVe inside her womb. Can you imagine? Carrying GOD inside you? And what did she do with this? Did she sit at home hoarding Him to herself? No. The first thing she did was go to her cousin Elizabeth to help her and bring her peace and comfort. She did more than that though, she brought God’s love, His promise, to her.

Through Mary and the power of God the Holy Spirit, our God became one of us and our Christ, our Saviour was born. By Christ, God redeemed our souls and repaired what was broken. Mary is the first disciple, the first Christian, the first evangelizer. She opened her heart and her womb to God’s Love and in turn bore the greatest gift to all the world–Jesus, our Lord and our God.


Let’s ALL be Saints

01. November 2012 · 4 comments · Categories: faith · Tags: ,

Happy All Saints Day!

I wanted to make today a special day for the kids so they didn’t think Halloween was more important than a day to remember the Saints–who really exist and are praying for us.

While my mom didn’t emphasize Halloween as much (b/c of Rosalie and also because it was not something she or my dad grew up celebrating the way we do here in their native countries [Mexico & England/Germany]), she did an AMAZING job of cultivating a love and admiration for the Saints (which is way more important than playing dress-up and collecting buckets of candy).

The Saints were like family members to me growing up; there were always pictures or books or holy cards of the Saints around our house, in our van, in our lunches…they were everywhere and I loved it. Going through 12 years of Catholic education also had a huge impact on my knowledge and perception of the Saints, I’m incredibly thankful for this! I remember looking at pictures of the Saints and pretending they were really there with me–I’d carry on a conversation with them and ‘play’ with them like my dolls. I’d also try and imagine what it must have been like to live like they did, many of them losing their lives for the sake of Christ.

Some of my favorite books growing up were ones about the Saints. I loved flipping through these Books of Saints bookles and this one was my absolute favorite.

I read it and re-read it several times throughout my childhood. In fact, it was the picture and story of St. Agnes in this book that inspired me to choose her as my Confirmation patron Saint. (Tangent: I actually wanted the name “Teresa”, after Mother Teresa, but she wasn’t a canonized Saint so I chose Agnes which I found out later was her ‘real’ first name!)

My mom did such a great job instilling an awareness and love for the Saints in our childhood I knew I wanted to be one from a very young age. I have a vivid memory from when I was about 6 of looking up at my mom asking her if there were any “St. Erika’s”?  She thought for a bit and then said, “No, I guess you’ll have to be the first one!” (I can’t remember if she said this in English or Spanish but I remember it in English) I remember feeling very excited about this idea; me – a Saint! Wouldn’t that be grand?! Would they put a picture of me in a book, too, I wondered?

On that day, and ever since, I knew I wanted to be a Saint. At first, I think the idea of being famous was my primary motivation but, as I grew and matured, the goal of Heaven overpowered my desire for a Saint-celebrity status.

This is what I want for our children too. I want them to know about and love God and what better way to get to know him than through all those others who’ve come before us with that same desire (to know, love, and serve God)? As early as I could, I’ve shared books and stories with our kids about the Saints - our daughter actually wanted a “St. Bernadette cake” for her 3rd birthday. Around that time, I bought Saints: A Year in Faith and Art so we could learn about a new Saint each day of the year.

We’ve enjoyed learning about some of the less-heard of Saints from this book but I wouldn’t describe this a “Children’s” book of Saints as the description and pictures aren’t always kid-friendly (like St. Agatha–youch! And I thought it hurt when I nursed my daughter for the first few weeks!)

I want our kids to want to be Saints but I don’t want them to fear it or think they have to suffer severe wounds or lose their heads (or other body parts) to become one. At the same time, I don’t want them thinking it’s as easy as strolling through the park to get into Heaven — then they’d have no motivation to work hard for it. I want our kids to know that God always loves them and his mercy is infinite; at the same time, I want them to know He expects great things from them and isn’t going to just hand them the keys to his Kingdom like it’s no big deal–Heaven is THE big deal!

Anyway, so today I wanted to use this Holy All Saints Day as an opportunity to talk about some of that and remind them how special the Saints are. I think God decided to use this day to test me – I made it clear to Him I’ve still got A LONG way to go before I’ll be ready to show my face at the gates of His Kingdom.

I didn’t make any Saints-shaped pancakes for breakfast and I’m not as cool as my friend, Erin, and didn’t make any fun Saint Peg Dolls . We went to Mass but we spent almost the whole time in the bathroom changing the baby’s explosive poop mess (we came out right as they were putting everything away after Communion). But, I DID take them to the Catholic book store and let them pick out a Francis Xavier Saints movie and 2 Book of Saint books. I’d like to go back and get some more Saints books for them for Christmas (they were just too expensive this go around) so they’ll have a good supply of Saints books to inspire them like my mom did for me.

Tonight, at dinner, we had a great conversation about the Saints and Heaven and how awesome it’ll be when we are in Heaven with all our Saint friends one day. After tucking them into bed, I sang them a short litany of Saints (calling on their name-sake ones especially) and thanked them (the Saints) for praying for our family so we really can join them in that mysterious and infinitely peaceful paradise with God one day.


O Halloween

31. October 2012 · Write a comment · Categories: faith, Holiday, motherhood, Random · Tags: , ,

Halloween

Not my favorite ‘holiday’, it causes me to grimace and shudder but not because of the scary costumes.

I’ve gone back and forth and forth and back on how I feel about Halloween..or All Hallow’s Eve,  er…the Eve of All Saints? What if I put in a few more apostrophe’s – Hall’o’ween?

You see, once upon a time, I was a little girl and Halloween was a regular fun day at our house growing up. We dressed up, we knocked on people’s doors and got candy—and got to eat it and we were normal.

Until—Rosalie. [cue: Alfred Hitchcock or the Twilight Zone music]

Rosalie was the lady that came once a month or so to help my mom clean the house (I think she tricked my dad into this service when she had preeclampsia with my little brother and was on bed rest for a bit.) Rosalie was a nice enough lady and did a fantastic job cleaning the house. (I always loved coming home from school on her cleaning days to find my room all nice and fresh.)

But, Rosalie was a little crazy and had some interesting ideas about Christianity and the occult.

My mom is an incredibly smart woman, she’s classy and never wore denim jumpers or anything like that but Rosalie was such a kind woman and meant so well she got a tad sucked into her extreme ideas. The devil is bad bad bad and the last thing my mom wanted was for any of us to get caught in his claws, even if by accident.

So, suddenly anything that had the slightest possible connection to the occult got thrown out—literally.

Anything in any way related to witchcraft, spells or any other hocus-pocus was gone—including, all my troll dolls I got for my 10th birthday and, believe it or not, peace signs. Somehow even my Barbie dolls got caught in all this and zapped away also. (I think the “Halloween grinches” were in league with the Barbie-doll prohibitionists during those days.)

So that year (a.k.a the “Rosalie year”), instead of dressing up in fun costumes and collecting yummy treats around the neighborhood, we spent Halloween hiding from trick-o-treaters in our basement. Sure, we got to watch a ‘family movie’ but how does that beat free candy? It wasn’t all bad though, one year they did take us to an “All Saints Day” party out in the country somewhere with the “homeschoolers”.

Thankfully Rosalie moved away and the spell she had over my mom slowly faded away and we didn’t have to hide in our basement every Halloween; but it was never the same again.  The fear that the devil would steal my soul if I even uttered the “H” word out loud held a strong grip on me for quite a while. I honestly don’t remember Halloween time after that first prohibited year – I blocked it from my memory (aside from a couple fun high school parties I could never forget)

When I got married and had kids the same childhood fears returned. Should I let my kids participate in Halloween or would I be leading them to the dark side?

My husband mostly laughed at me (as usual) so we eventually compromised, as long as I could call it “Costume Day” I would let them dress up and have one or two pieces of candy. (you see by then, I knew sugar was almost as evil as the devil himself) I was convinced this would work and they would never know the truth. Oh and they’d only be allowed to dress-up as nice happy things like pretty princesses or puppies.

Fast forward a few years (zzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZP!) I’m a mother of four and we are very much a part of the outside world withvery smart and perceptive kids.

I still get all itchy and twitchy when Halloween time comes around but decided that unless we hid in our house from about September through November 1, there is no way of avoiding Halloween. Like my friend, Monica, said, we live in the world and we can’t just sit at home watching religious movies and reading religious books our whole lives. Besides, it’s not going to kill our kids’ souls to let them watch/read/listen to something not directly related to Jesus and Mary or the Angels & Saints.

I still don’t particularly like this day but I now enjoy watching the kids have fun dressing up and collecting all sorts of horrible sugary treats (which we still limit how much they actually get to eat in one sitting because puke sucks). We talk to our kids honestly about our feelings about Halloween and have our own set of ‘rules’ (similar to these). We’ll never allow them to dress-up as anything evil (sorry, no ‘cute’ little devils) or overly grotesque or watch anything that would give them nightmares (this may have more selfish reasons – we’d sure be sorry in the middle of the night when they woke us up screaming at the top of their lungs). That said, while we don’t have to completely shun Halloween, we can’t be ignorant  or use it to hide the fact the devil is out there and he’s not our friend. I still struggle though, with how to do this. Part of me hates even talking about the devil because I don’t want to give him more credit or attention than is due but, on the flip-side, I want my kids have some fear of the darker powers that really do exist; they need to know heaven is real but they also need to know hell is too and their choices in this life could land them in either of those two (or purgatory) after this.

I realized how far I’ve come when we went shopping for costumes this year and I turned to see my boys playing with the Grim Reaper and Demon masks. My former self would have totally freaked imagining the devil taking over their souls from merely touching masks like that and me having to call the priest to deliver an emergency exorcism right there in the store. Ironically, my boys decided to be ghosts this year—and I was totally cool with it. (Which proves I’ve really changed my views on Halloween or being the mother of four has made me weak and lazy – white cloth, 2 holes for eyes, 1 for mouth, done.)

Oh and about All Saints Day. I see it is a separate day—a Holy Day in fact. Why try to mess with combining the two when they are obviously not connected anymore?

However, I could always let them dress up as one of the martyrs for Halloween—would that count as both a Halloween and All Saints Day costume?

 

(psst, Mom if you are reading this, don’t worry, I’m don’t blame you for the past and am totally over it…can I have my troll dolls back now?)


I believe in Jesus Christ

22. October 2012 · Write a comment · Categories: faith, Random

When I stare up into the mysterious night sky and see how infinite this universe is, I get goose bumps as I realize just how insignificant I am and how HUGE God must be to have created all this. In moments like these, I feel both close and incredibly far away from God. There’s so much out there that we don’t even know about. Even with all the advancements in technology, we’ll never know everything about our world. God is like this too and sometimes, because of that, it’s hard to feel close with Him. He feels too big and distant.

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God must have felt this too. He created the world, the animals and plants, and us. He was pleased with His creation, especially us humans. In fact, He was so pleased with us He loved us and wanted to be with us. He wanted to know us and He wanted us to know Him.

It reminds me of when I was little and played with my dolls or Little Ponies; I wished I could somehow shrink and play with them and be their friend just like them. I didn’t want to only be the little girl who controlled them; I wanted to be one of them.

As is portrayed in Genesis (“in the beginning”), man was connected with God intimately. Adam and Eve knew God was there with them “in the garden”; they knew He had given them everything they had there, including each other. But this wasn’t enough for them. No, much like my own children, they had everything they could possibly need or want, yet, they wanted more. They even had God there with them but that wasn’t enough either. They confused their innate desire to be with God with wanting to be God; they wanted to know Him and everything He knew.

So, they turned their backs on Him – breaking that intimate bond between God and man – and hid from Him. They pushed Him away, but like a good parent, He did not push back or force them to come back to Him. With a heart filled with sadness as deep as the ocean, He let them go down the road of that choice.

And so they went on their own, away from God but not alone; He stayed with them, waiting and hoping for them to return to Him. He desperately wanted to unite with his beloved people again but He was too hidden from them now; they couldn’t see Him, they hardly remembered Him. They longed for Him, without knowing how to reach Him.

Then, He gave them a promise: I will send you a Savior and we shall be together again.

He knew His people needed Him, but they needed something tangible, something relatable, something…human.

So, instead of staying far away and distant, He came to us. He sent His only Son – Jesus Christ, our Lord – to be with us, to know us and for us to know Him.

And the Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us (Jn 1:14)

We Believe.

 


I believe in God

08. October 2012 · Write a comment · Categories: faith · Tags:

I’m a cradle Catholic; I’ve been a Catholic since my infant baptism. My mom also was baptized and raised Catholic, mexican Catholic to be more specific. (And that tells you a lot!) She passed me and my siblings a genuine passion for the Faith that only a mexican Catholic can. She also showed us how to have an intimate relationship with Jesus, especially through a devotion and friendship with his beautiful mother, La Virgen. My dad was also baptized & raised Catholic but his story is a bit more complicated growing up in post-war Germany with Austrian parents who’d escaped to England. Whether they became Catholic only to escape is something I’ll probably never know for sure. Either way, religion was not a popular discussion topic for them after everything they’d suffered and seen. Still, my dad gave me a desire to have more with my faith than what he was able to have, I do not take my religious freedom for granted. He’s also taught me the importance of commitment, even when you’re not sure what to believe anymore.

With this background, I have loved Jesus and his bride, the Church, since a very young age. I can’t remember a time I didn’t know Jesus or love Him. I can’t say the same for the Church, we’ve gone through some rough times; yet, through it all, Her doors have always remained open.

The Church, is a beautiful endless reservoir of Christ’s love, peace, and mercy.

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The Church’s beauty is deep and mysterious while also…real and alluring.

My Catholic Faith has guided me and molded me, ignited my soul and sowed purpose into my life. The Church is much more than some religious “institution” run by a bunch of “old guys in weird robes” (though, I can see how those and the hats would look funny to those who didn’t grow up with it). I don’t believe what I do because the Church tells me to; I have found Who I believe within the Catholic Church.

Though my Catholic faith has always been a part of me, there have been times I’ve gone through some serious thinking about the Church and God and all that. Whenever I falter, I strip my faith down until I get to the basics, starting with God.

I believe in God, the Father almighty, creator of heaven and earth.

When my family and I moved across the country before my senior year of high school, everything changed and I had to reassess everything I believed or thought I believed and make it my own. All the warm and fuzzy feelings I’d had disappeared in this new place where my faith was not attached to who I hung out with or what I did in the same way it had been before moving where I was a “church person” and super involved in all that entailed. I had to look for God in different places. I felt very alone…almost abandoned by God during that time.

I remember one evening I sat on the dirt mound on the empty lot by our new house and watched the sun set behind the trees. It gave me comfort to see the same sun rise and set here in my new home as it had in the land of my childhood. Night after night, I’d crane my neck and stare into the deep sky, looking, searching for answers…for Truth. I felt nothing.

I spent most of that year like this. Finally, after watching enough sunrises and sunsets, staring into the night sky long enough, and walking with my agonized thoughts through the ancient woods near my new home, I arrived at this conclusion: the universe is too ingenius to be random, therefore, God exists.

I couldn’t explain it further than that, I couldn’t feel it, I simply…knew it.

Once I got there, I was able to continue the journey of my faith. To this day, actually most every night as I wait for sleep to bring me peace, or when the doubts crouch over my soul, I reaffirm this: He exists, and everything I know, everything that was and is and will be, is because of Him. He made this world, He made me…He loves me. And I love Him.

 

We Believe.


A rambly NFP post

25. July 2012 · 1 comment · Categories: faith, Marriage, motherhood, NFP, pregnancy · Tags: , , , ,

Happy Natural Family Planning Awareness Week and 44th Anniversary of Pope Paul VI’s Humanae Vitae!

I’ve been thinking about NFP this week and how prophetically genius Humanae Vitae is.  I was going to share some of my favorite quotes but remembered I already did last year here and here. It’s not a long read, I highly suggest taking some time to read it. Too many Catholics, and non-Catholics, have missed out on this treasure.

I love the way God created the human body; it’s beautiful and amazing and miraculous. I am especially amazed with how intricate the design of the female body is with our natural rhythms and cycles. With such a deep respect for the Sacrament of Marriage coupled with how my body and my husband’s work together, it is only natural for me to also love Natural Family Planning. I write about it so much I created a new page for all my posts/articles on the subject. I’d like to add other author’s articles here too so feel free to send me a link to some good ones and I’ll post them there too. (Maybe I’ll make a new Pinterest board for that, too).

I re-read some of my past posts and I had to laugh a little when reading the one about being “Done!?.”. I have a different perspective on it now that I am pregnant and definitely feeling “done!” with this pregnancy. This time has been different than the previous three. I started out determined not to complain/whine as much during this pregnancy but well it’s kind of hard not to when it’s so physically and emotionally draining–it just takes over. Though I’m still ‘young’ (under 30) this is my 4th pregnancy and yes, it does make a difference. It has made a difference physically–even though I am ‘in shape’ my body isn’t quite as chipper as it was the first go around. Things are more…”saggy” for lack of a better explanation. It also makes a difference having 3 other kids to chase around/yell at/pay attention to/care for than just two sweet ones that usually got along wonderfully together. On the one hand, it’s kept me busier and more distracted, especially during the school year when I was frequently nauseous. The time has flown by quickly too. And, even though there is more ‘work’ with more kids, there are also more helping hands. I’m so thankful I can send my daughter or sons upstairs or downstairs to fetch things for me when I’m too tired to climb back up when I just came down. They even rub my feet and back for me sometimes!

The physical exhaustion has gotten to me the most this time though. I feel like Jessie Spano, I have all these lofty goals and ideas but at the end of the day I’m just too tired and only want to crash on my bed and sleep forever. However, when I do finally get to lay down I’m so uncomfortable or have to pee every 15-20 minutes that I don’t get much rest anyway.

That said, I’m incredibly grateful for how healthy I am and how good I do have it because I know of many other women who have much ‘worse’ times in pregnancy. And of course, there are those who have an even worse “empty” pain if they’ve lost a baby to miscarriage or have yet to even had the chance to complain about being pregnant at all. My only major complaint this go around has been my darn side ligament spastic pain that plagues me throughout the day/night. It hasn’t been as bad the last week as my body loosens up and prepares for labor/birth, which I am incredibly thankful for. Still, it’s those little ‘pebbles in the shoe’ parts of pregnancy that weigh me down after a while.

The combination of the physical exhaustion and the emotional stress of being pregnant with 3 other littles around has majorly tested me and I’ve failed more times than risen above. There were definitely moments of feeling done with the pregnancy in my other ones, but this has been the first time I’ve ever really felt like not doing this again…at least not for a long time. I know this might change, especially after I am no longer pregnant, but for now I feel I have reached my personal threshold.

With these feelings, I can relate to those women who resort to sterilization or contraception after pregnancy. There are many good-’sounding’ reasons used to justify their use, especially after extremely challenging pregnancies and/or births. Sometimes, it feels like too much and that the only way “out” is to permanently or temporarily prevent having to go through that again. I get it, I do. However, it doesn’t make it “right” in the same way it would not be right for a mother to drown her newborn baby in a bathtub because of similar feelings. There are other healthier ways to deal and it’s the same with “family planning,” (though I really hate that word and even think Natural “Family Planning” could use a better name).

I was carrying these burdensome feelings around with me and finally emptied them out honestly to a priest. He listened and then delicately said, “I know I could never possibly understand what this is like for you or any other woman or family, but remember, this is a GIFT”.  I heard this before but for whatever reason, the way he said it broke the dark-thunder-cloud spell that had overtaken me and I felt a huge relief. This–this baby and all that comes with him–is a GIFT. This has brought me much-needed peace in the last few weeks and strength to continue with this last part of the journey with joy instead of only grumbling. In a few weeks, I’ll hold my baby–I’ll look into his eyes and smell him and feel his soft skin and I’ll know–all this was 100% worth it.

It is the joy my children bring me that will remind me of this if and when we may receive this gift again in the future; even if I don’t feel ‘ready’ and accept it a bit grudgingly, deep down, I’ll always be thankful and grateful for each child God sends us; for each GIFT he humbles us with. I may feel like I can’t do this anymore or ever again, but I know We (God, my husband, and me) can.

 


Come to Him, Be with Him

08. July 2012 · 4 comments · Categories: faith · Tags: , ,

A few weeks ago, I was invited to speak about adoration at Mass as part of an Adoration-sign-up weekend at our parish. We are so very blessed to have Perpetual Eucharistic Adoration in our parish and in many of the surrounding parishes in this city and Diocese. The dedication to this devotion, as well as a loyal honor and love for Mary, I believe, are the reasons our diocese is so very blessed and why the Stewardship Way of Life is so successful. My mom put in a request that I share my reflection so here it is. If you have the opportunity to visit Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, I invite you to do so, even if you can’t commit to a whole hour each week, just go to Him and be with Him.

Do you ever feel like running away; escaping for a little bit? Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a magical looking glass that would take you to a quiet place where you could relax and be still?

I’ve discovered such a place, although magic has nothing to do with it and anyone can go there whenever they need, whether it is during the day or during the dark of the night.

In fact, this place is right here in this building, right there beyond that wall. On the other side of that wall is the Blessed Sacrament Chapel, the Adoration chapel. It’s a simple room; a few chairs, some kneelers, candles, a basket of rosaries, sometimes some pretty flowers.

I’ve come to this room and other Adoration chapels many times in my life. I’d wander here to escape from homework, deadlines, clicks & gossip, annoying siblings and parents. As young adults, my boyfriend at the time and I would go there together; to receive grace & strength for our relationship and to discern our vocations together, it was while praying in an adoration chapel that he asked me to be his wife and I accepted. We have come there many times since then together, with our children, or alone to again receive strength and grace to live out our vocations as husband & wife and as parents.

I’ve come there to pray, to vent, to whine, to cry, to laugh, to listen, to adore…to love and be loved. I have found peace in this room, even if just for an hour or a few minutes. However, I’ve found something even more important than a mini-retreat from the world; I have found what we are all searching for, Who we all yearn for. In this simple room, in a simple piece of flat white bread, I have found Jesus—I have found God.

“Come”, He says to you. “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Come to Him, be with Him, He is always there; waiting, hoping, for YOU to come.


Embellishing God’s Will

20. May 2012 · 2 comments · Categories: faith, Marriage, motherhood · Tags: , , , , , ,

I’ve been meditating and reflecting a lot on God’s Will for me; what is He calling me to do?

I ask Him, “Lord, what do you want of me? Where and how do you want me to serve you?

His answer has always been simple: ” Here. Right here.”

He says this to me when I am nursing (or when I was anyway), or when I am putting the kids to bed at night or for naps.

“Here. Right here.”

He says this to me when I’m doing laundry or working in the kitchen.

“Here. Right here.”

He is answer is always so simple. So…peaceful and somehow full of everything I really need to know. Yet, I am but a human being and do not accept it. I want more. (Cue: Ariel). I try to make it complicated and put words in His mouth; add my own plans and try to accessorize His Will with my own embellishments.

In the end, the naked simplicity of His Will is beautiful without anything extra. His Will is perfect…even if it is simple.

Though His Will, His grace, is all I need and I want to accept His answer to be “Here. Right here”, I am weak and stubborn.

I try to add my own plans and force something into it that really doesn’t belong. And God is too patient with me and lets me find out how wrong I am. I love my vocation as a wife and mother. But as I wrote and shared here at CatholicMom.com, it is challenging to balance serving my family in the home and serving those around me outside of the home and apart from my family.

I 100% believe in the importance of a mother being at home and available as much as she can for her family, especially when the kids are young. However, I also see a huge need for women to serve in the world outside of their home and families as well. Women bring a certain dynamic, a unique ”genius” to decisions and to the workplace. Men are very good concrete thinkers but women help bring in the right amount of emotion and practical thinking to transform their ideas into a realistic application. This is especially true for women who are also mothers; women who know what family life is really like, what a family needs and how to sensibly help families carry out their missions and support themselves.

In his Apostolic Letter, Mulieris Dignitatem (On the Dignity and Vocation of Women), Pope John Paul II speaks very highly of women; both as mothers and as women in the world.

When we say that the woman is the one who receives love in order to love in return, this refers not only or above all to the specific spousal relationship of marriage. It means something more universal, based on the very fact of her being a woman within all the interpersonal relationships which, in the most varied ways, shape society and structure the interaction between all persons – men and women. In this broad and diversified context, a woman represents a particular value by the fact that she is a human person, and, at the same time, this particular person, by the fact of her femininity. This concerns each and every woman, independently of the cultural context in which she lives, and independently of her spiritual, psychological and physical characteristics, as for example, age, education, health, work, and whether she is married or single.

As I look around and observe, I see many mothers who put their families first but also find small ways to share their time and talent with others at paid and volunteer positions as extensions of their work at home. One friend is a nurse, another teaches part-time, one gets to escape for a few hours a week to play pool work with a parish website company, and another will soon share here talent and expertise in cake/cookie decorating.  In each place, in their homes and at their jobs, they are following God’s will to serve their family and to bring Christ’s love to all the world simply by living their lives for Him in everything they do.

Though I know God calls me to serve my family “at home” for now, and I’m doing a better job of figuring out how to do this, I still like to share my “feminine genius” that God gave me in other ways and as the kids get older I’m sure God’s simple Will for me will branch out from the main trunk of our “domestic church“.

I would love to work/volunteer with supporting strong marriages and families; which includes a greater awareness of the Marriage as a sacred and living Sacrament and the gift of Natural Family Planning. I’d really love to work with pregnancy crisis centers or other work to support mothers. Motherhood is beautiful, but without the proper help and mother-to-mother support, it can seem more like a burden than the joyful gift it is. I also dream of writing a book or two one day…not sure about what yet but something.

For now, I will focus on God’s simple call for me to be “Here. Right here.”

 

 


Abandoned; Forgiven

06. April 2012 · Write a comment · Categories: faith · Tags: , , , , , ,

Have you ever felt abandoned?

I have, and I know most of us have at least once in our lives.

I have been betrayed by former friends (a.k.a junior high and high school times).

Forgotten…invisible.

I’ve been judged, misunderstood and ridiculed.

But worse than these, is to be alone and with no one come to your defense when you are in need.

Abandoned, utterly and totally abandoned by those you love and trust, by those who should be there, right by your side, fighting for you.

I have felt this way and have wallowed in my sorrow from it.

And then I look up, on the cross.

There, hangs a man, a King.

Abandoned.

Not a week before, he was being hailed, praised, adored.

Not a day before, he was breaking bread and sharing wine with his friends, his followers. He was being anointed and washed.

But in his agony, he was alone.

Then he said to them, “My soul is sorrowful even to death. Remain here and keep watch with me.”…When he returned to his disciples he found them asleep. He said to Peter, “So you could not keep watch with me for one hour?” (Matthew 26:38, 40)

In his defense, there was no one, not one who would speak out. Even those in whom he had placed the most trust…who would later lead His Church.

Then the maid who was the gatekeeper said to Peter, “You are not one of this man’s disciples, are you?” He said, “I am not.”…Now Simon Peter was standing there keeping warm. And they said to him, “You are not one of his disciples, are you?” He denied it and said, “I am not.”One of the slaves of the high priest, a relative of the one whose ear Peter had cut off, said, “Didn’t I see you in the garden with him?”Again Peter denied it. And immediately the cock crowed.(John 18:17, 25-27)

And even today, a couple thousand years after His Great Sacrifice, we forget Him.

We leave Him there, on the cross, alone…ignored…abandoned.

And at three o’clock Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?”  Which is translated, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Mark 15:34)

And so, in my sorrow, in my times of loneliness or when I feel abandoned by those who are supposed to lead me and defend me, I remember.

I remember how I have abandoned Him. How I have forgotten Him and stayed silent, afraid….

Even when I want to love Him,

“The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Mark 14:38)

Though He was abandoned and is forgotten, He always remembers us.

He knows what we have done. He sees how we ignore him and turn away from Him.

But He does not turn away. He sees us, He loves us.

He FORGIVES.

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:24)

We have been forgiven, redeemed…our sinful lives in exchange for his innocence.

Remember. Remember.

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