parenting


Marry Him and Be Submissive #BookReview

Time for another book review!

My friends at TAN Books asked if I’d be interested in reading and reviewing  –

Marry Him and Be Submissive by Costanza Miriano

I’ll admit the provocative title piqued my curiosity. If anything, I decided to read to see if it was as controversial as it sounds and see what all the fuss over the book (in Italy) is about. (Apparently Costanza has caused such a stir over her book, which came out first in Italian and now in English, that there have been “riots” and talk of banning the book in Italy.)

What I liked about it:

Costanza, a working journalist, writer, wife, and mother of 4, seems like a fun and interesting person who cares deeply and passionately about preserving authentic and mutually respectful loving marriages. She shares a lot of advice and wisdom to women who are either contemplating marriage or are already married in a tell-it-like-she-sees it but with a good amount of tongue-in-cheek quips to go along. That said, the translation is great although I think I missed out on a few punch lines because I’m not well-acquainted with Italian humor and culture.  It was fun getting a little peek into what life for a mom, maybe a lot like myself, is like in Italy.

After reading it, I’ll honestly say this probably is not a book I would choose to read on my own but I’m glad I had the opportunity to see what it’s all about with an open mind. I can definitely understand why the title and the content would ruffle a few pretty feathers but it definitely gave me some munchies for my mind to chew on.

Without getting into any opinions as I know this can be a sensitive subject, I will say that I did not relate with everything Costanza writes about. However, I did  find it interesting to notice the similarities between her – an Italian woman and mother somewhat obsessed with fashion and giving out unsolicited advice – and I – an “American” woman who generally dislikes clothes and shopping or telling anyone what to do if they don’t want to hear it (except for my kids, of course).

What is Submission?

Before I share more, I’ll also say that it’s essential to understand what the word “submission” really means in the context of marriage and loving relationships. Costanza did a good job going into a deeper explanation of that on pages 112 – 120. In short, know that, in Italian, sotto mettere (submission) means to place under so as to be supportive.  I remember learning about this with a line drawn horizontally across the whiteboard and then a woman stick figure under a man on top with the woman’s arms holding up the man and the man’s hands holding up the woman.

Kind of like this…

_________^_________________

v

sort of…you’ll have to use your imagination. 😉

So, in this context, it is not a submission that says a woman should basically do whatever her husband tells her and never speak up against him. It is a sub-mission – a loving and generous submitting and giving oneself to another and in cooperation with that other person for their own good and the good of their family.

For the record, she also has a book for men – Marry Her and Die for Her.

If you can understand the true meaning of the word submission, then you can more fully understand and appreciate what Costanza means when she says, “Marry Him and Be Submissive”.

In other words, Love Him Selflessly and Support Him Generously with your Love.

Here’s a video of Costanza explaining her perspective on “submission” on the BBC Newsnight. 

Like I said, I probably wouldn’t have read this book on my own, and I found her tangents into fashion and other unrelated topics distracting for my already distracted brain. That said, she shares a great amount of wisdom about Women, Marriage, Motherhood and everything that goes along with it.

Here are some quotes from the book I liked: 

On Marriage and Commitment

[Your husband] is the means God has chosen to love you, and he is your pathway to heaven. Our vocation, whatever it is in life, is essentially to make each other happy. As Pavel Evdokimov, the Russian Orthodox theologian puts it, if the objective end of marriage is to generate children, the subjective end is to generate ourselves.
Without [your husband, you] cannot fully be yourself… And this task, with God’s help, you will regenerate yourself.

Nowadays everyone seems to be desperate to keep all options open…. What they don’t realize is that the choice to leave something open necessarily requires closing off some other possibility. Refusing to decide closes off the possibility of following a path that leads to depths of emotion and riches of spirit that the world has ever known. Experiencing an array of different love affairs won’t teach you as much about love as living a single experience of love in all its depth.

The choice of a profound and lasting love will help you embrace your everyday life…It will help you love your life… the path will lead you, through everyday life, up a slope that may be steep. But at the top, a great valley, will open up before you – a hidden and secret place that the back lanes of ‘feelings’ can never reach. It is experienced by very few…”

About Women, Emancipation, and Equality

“Today, we women are no longer required to act as servants, but we can choose to serve each other out of love and as a freely chosen response to a call. Men and women are very different, which has nothing to do with equal opportunities. We are not the same, and not recognizing this is a cause of certain suffering, as indeed happens every time we deny the truth.”

“Emancipation – which started out as a claim for Justice – led to a distorted idea of equality. Equality is not sameness. It is about giving equal dignity to two identities that could not be more different.”

To her young daughters  –

“My hope is that your generation and women can finally be at peace with itself, and I hope that you can fulfill your deepest identity by consciously choosing it. And so – and this really is an unfashionable wish – I hope that you will be, more than anything else, strong and thus welcoming, open to others and capable of bringing people together. And in a word, if you can, be good.”

Advice for Motherhood

Pages 148 – 150 contain many good words and thoughts about motherhood that any mother of young children could relate to, for example:

“It might be useful for you to know that if you need to go to the bathroom and you still managed to retain the right to close the door, you can place a toilet role against the wall and use it as a makeshift cushion to grab a couple of seconds of rest.”

“Lowering your expectations is always a wise move, and at certain points, a goal simply to survive is a sign of good sense.”

“So I have come to the conclusion that the main challenge of our life as parents, and mine as a mother, lies precisely in this: We have to learn to give them their freedom…The challenge comes…when our children begin to take a healthy distance from us; when they are no longer little satellites revolving around us; and when they grow up, not always in the way we would like. The point is this: it’s not for us to choose how their life will pan out. We have to get used to running the risk that they won’t turn out the way we had planned… But that they may actually be better than we had ‘planned.'”

“We have to have patience, let time pass, learn to accept things, and acknowledge that, on occasion, times will be tough; they might be dirty, naughty, and much more, but they will always be our children.”

On Maternity and Openness to Life

“Maternity on the other hand offers the possibility of learning that precious lesson of how to give of oneself. And women who learned that lesson move up a gear in life. They flourish…. If you try, with honesty and humility,…welcoming a new life into your own life can convert you and help you to be less selfish.”

“…there is no need to be perfect to make the decision to being open to life, nor is it possible to wait until you reach perfection before trying to bring up decent kids. You just do it as best you can, knowing that none of us are perfectly balanced or free of anxieties. You do it knowing that mistakes will come every day.”

On Sacrificial Love (in Marriage, Motherhood, and all relationships)

“Keep on giving even while you’re running on an empty tank, without ever looking back. Otherwise what you have is not love, it’s a contract, and for that you don’t need a husband, you need a housekeeper.”

“There’s a secret that the world hasn’t figured out that allows us to follow a luminous path through the daily grind of boredom, habit, misunderstanding, and annoyances…. It is summed up in one word – sacrifice. The daily struggle is transformed from a stumbling block into another word for love. It is no longer something that gets in the way of love: rather, it’s something that nourishes it and helps it to grow. Love doesn’t go out in the daily grind; its flame burns stronger.”

If these quotes and the title, Marry Him and Be Submissive, have tickled your curiosity as it did mine I suggest you give Costanza Miriano a chance and look at the issue of marriage, women, and submission from a unique perspective. You might even gain some extra fashion advice while you’re at it! 


Keep Your Kids Catholic: Sharing Your Faith and Making It Stick {Book Review} 2

While I’m still working on my movie update post (We watched too many last year), here’s a book review to keep my blog from completely falling into the dark internet abyss.

I asked my friend, Joel – father of 4 and an amazing Catholic elementary school teacher, if he’d like to read and review this book and so here it is! Thanks, Joel, for sharing!

Keep Your Kids Catholic: Sharing Your Faith and Making It Stick 

by  Marc Cardaronella

Parenting is hard. One of my good friends has an expression whenever we are commiserating about each other’s children and their idiosyncrasies: “They don’t come with owners manuals.” Navigating the minefields of raising a kid in the digital age is a daunting task. There is no roadmap because we’re all forging new paths in the here and now. Most of us are winging it. We’ve slinged together a game plan based off what our parents did that worked and what our parents did that didn’t work. Maybe we’re lucky enough to have some older siblings that we can learn from their parenting mistakes and triumphs. Hopefully, we’re plugged into a network of friends that can lend encouragement and advice.

But the reality is, many parents feel very alone and unsure of what exactly they are doing.  A lot of good parenting tools have gotten lost in the mix and not passed down between generations. This is especially true when we talk about passing on the faith. After all, for their parents, faith was such a private thing. It just wasn’t discussed. And that has left our generation of parents unsure of how exactly to pray with our kids, let alone how to help them develop a personal relationship with Christ.

Enter this book, Keep Your Kids Catholic: Sharing Your Faith and Making It Stick by  Marc Cardaronella, which the amazing Erika from over at Simplemama put into my hands and asked me to do a review for.  It is a quick, easy read that confirms many of the hunches you’ve already been feeling, puts forward reflections that open your eyes in new ways, and offers specific steps you can take to strengthen your family. I often find parenting advice books obvious or sanctimonious, but Cardaronella’s writing is relatable and beneficial.

One of my favorite points of the book was discussing how important it is for parents to articulate the faith. This is also really helpful advice for teachers. Cardaronella starts by describing Bl. John Henry Newman’s approach.
“Newman didn’t just give knowledge; he gave himself…When he discussed a topic, he not only gave the doctrinal understanding of the subject, he also gave the background of how he came to believe it. Most students will accept a doctrine as true because the Church teaches it. However, they’ll allow it to become part of their lives only if an instructor pulls back the curtain to expose personal convictions and motivations.

When Newman discussed a topic, he not only gave the doctrinal understanding of the subject, he also gave the background of how he came to understand it and why he believed it…Cardinal Newman’s cure was to transform the notional into the real-to engage the spectator, bring him or her off the sidelines of intellectual passivity, and impart an awareness of the intersection between life and religious truth. For him, the crucial question is not how is it true, but how is it true for you? How does it affect your life and what does it mean for your particular situation?”

The author’s tips to parents on how you can begin to articulate the faith to your kids:

Tell them why you believe something, why you didn’t use to believe but now you do, how your thinking evolved, what the turning point was, or why you think it’s important.

Cardaronella also offers a really good reflection on the Parable of the Sower. This was probably my favorite part of the book. He says it’s not really a parable about the seed, it’s all about the soil, and then leads us through a reflection of the soil in our home. To paraphrase these chapters: Break open the hard ground. Deepen your roots. Clear away the thorns. Till your fertile ground. You can improve the soil! Some of the seeds bear fruit, thirty, and sixty, and a hundredfold. If it’s all good soil, why doesn’t it have the same yield? Clearly some patches of soil are more fertile than others. How can you tend to your fertile soil to improve it even more?
Another great quote: “Of all the thorns, probably the most dangerous are the never-ending lists of activities and interests that capture our hearts. Religion is just one player in the tightly contested battle for time, attention, and energy. Usually religion loses. By far the biggest offender is sports. Let’s be honest, though; the responsibility for these thorns doesn’t rest with kids. Parents are the ones prioritizing sports and other activities over Mass, religious education, and devotional practices. I’m not saying kids shouldn’t be active, but time is a precious commodity. You have to weed your children’s schedule to allow space for God.”

These were just some of the quotes that I didn’t want to forget. I really liked this book and I think it could open up some great discussion among parents united in the trenches.

 

Thanks again, Joel, for reading and sharing your review of Keep Your Kids Catholic: Sharing Your Faith and Making It Stick by  Marc Cardaronella.

I enjoyed chatting with Marc Cardaronella on a CatholicMom.com CM Hangout and I encourage everyone to check out his book!

(Amazon Affiliate links included in this post, Amazon sends me a wee little thank you for purchases made via these links. )


Grateful for the Fathers in our Lives

As much as I miss my own dad today, I’m filled with joyful gratitude for the fathers I do have with me [physically] in my life today. My husband, my father-in-law, brothers, uncles, cousins, all the Fr. priests in my life and all the great men and fathers we are blessed to raise our families along with.

For my husband, the best father my kids could ever have.

I love how much he loves them. I remember when our first child, our daughter, was born. We were both so overwhelmed by joy and amazement that this person could be our own child! It was terrifying and humbling. At first, parenting for both of us was like trying to learn how to drive a manual car. You know, the ones were you have a clutch you have to physically push down with your left foot while you simultaneously move your right foot off the brake and ease the gas pedal down while also using your right hand to move the gear shift and, oh remember to keep your left hand on the steering wheel so you don’t swerve into any other cars of off the road!

Yeah, that’s what first-time parenting is like. And boy did we struggle and at first our movements were rough and jerky and there was often the harsh sound of grinding gears as we figured out how to smoothly transition from one gear to another without breaking the baby.

But as our daughter grew and as we added our three sons into our lives, I saw my husband grow too – as a man and as a father. We slowly learned how to let go of ourselves so that we can fully enter into the love of our family and give of ourselves fully to our children together.

We’re still learning for sure and we have many more challenges ahead but I’m thankful today for the amazing and wonderful father my husband is.

When I’m going crazy and can’t handle all the pressure, he comes in and with one look everyone settles down and remembers they are human beings and not wild animals. When I’m all out of energy after a long day and everyone is about ready to explode, my husband diffuses the ticking time bombs with laughter while he chases, wrestles or tickles all the stress out of everyone.

There are many things a mom can do, it’s true, but there’s so much that only a father can do. Trust me, I’ve tried to sound like him and make the kids listen to me like they do to him – I may have even recorded his voice so I would sound like him when lip-sync yelling at the kids. It didn’t work. It’s gotta be him. He has this certain power…or influence over them by his mere presence that I just can’t mimic.

I see how the kids are with him, how they love to spend time with him, how they love doing the silliest and seemingly meaningless stupid stuff with him and it brings them all so much joy. I love that he teaches them all about the random trivia of life, the science of the weather and all about the mysteries of the vast space that spreads beyond our imaginations. When our kids grow up and become meteorologists, astronauts, or astrophysicists it’ll be because of all the time their daddy spent sharing the scope of his knowledge and introducing them to all the wonders of the world.

You can tell what love language our first-born son speaks. (Ahem, quality time together)

We both bring our strengths and our gifts together and I’m so thankful I have him as a partner in this whole parenting gig.

For my father-in-law, a man I respect and admire greatly.

I know some people don’t get along with their in-laws but I gotta say that my father-in-law is pretty dang awesome. I’ve always loved that we can converse together and talk about the things of the world and also about our shared Catholic faith. Over the years we’ve mulled over hard mysteries and questions about God and our unique Catholic and faith experiences.

I’m immensely grateful especially for the gift of his craftsmanship and handy man talents. He’s graciously helped me turn many ideas into physical realities and rescued and fixed many of my attempts at trying to put things together on my own. Mostly I’m humbled by how my father in law has always welcomed me into his family and treated me as his own daughter.

Lastly, but definitely not least, I’m thankful for the spiritual fathers I’ve always had with the many Catholic priests I’ve known growing up.

For all the time they give to bring Christ’s love and healing grace to me through the Sacraments or by offering patient guidance in my times of discernment.

By their physical presence they are here for me as a father In Persona Christi always reminding me and pointing me to the One Father who has, IS, and always will be my Father who loves me and is with me. He knows me and will never forget or leave me.

Though I’m missing the physical presence of my natural father today, I’m thankful for all the great men in my life who I can also look to as fathers to guide me, protect me, and love me.

Lightning

My awesome husband captured this magnificent photo of an amazing lightning storm the other night. It reminds me of how we all connected by the same source of LOVE that spreads through all the veins of our human ancestry. 


Missing what’s Gone and Remembering the Good on Father’s Day 7

Tomorrow is Father’s Day – a day we remember, celebrate, and honor the Fathers in our lives in a special and dedicated way.

A friend asked if this would be a hard day for me [without my dad here for the first time]. At the time I hadn’t really thought about it too much – or at least I hadn’t been allowing myself to.

It’ll be fine…it’s just a day made up by the greeting card and retail companies, right?

Yes…and no.

Despite the historical story of how we’ve come to celebrate “Father’s Day“, it’s a good opportunity to think about the fathers in our lives and why they deserve recognition and thanks.

I’m sure this day brings all sorts of mixed emotions for many. Fathers come in all sorts of shapes, sizes, love languages and temperaments.

Fathers have gotten a pretty bad rap over the years, especially considering the sad high rate of father-less children around the world. Fathers have been portrayed as just the guy who “brings home the bacon” but then zones out in the recliner with potato chips and beer while mom – or the kids alone – fend for themselves only receiving his attention if they get in his way or make too much noise.

While I’m saddened to know this might be an accurate caricature of many dads it’s not that way for everyone and, I’d say for a majority, it’s quite the opposite.

Even those who didn’t have some fantasy super-star dad, we can’t deny that each of us – even those who have never met their own fathers – have been influenced in some deep and lasting way by our fathers. Our dads make up at least half of who we are, we come from them – they are our root.

And, for those of us who have been blessed to know our dads present in our lives but have recently – or even not-so-recently, “lost them” in death, this is a sensitive day.

For me, this being another “first” without him, I’m more aware of my dad than maybe even before. I’m grateful for the good memories I have of him and I’m trying to focus on those as I hold them even closer to my heart.

Even though he is not “here” for me to tell him so, I feel incredibly grateful for my dad – for the life he gave me, for the way he sacrificed for me and my siblings so we could have a good life and “become better people” as he always prayed at our meal times: “Help make us better people.”

That said, even though it’s almost been six months (which seems like a lot but isn’t really), I miss my dad, very, very much.

The funny thing is that we never really did anything too exciting for Father’s Day with my dad. Maybe a nice meal, I liked to try and make him a special dessert. We usually didn’t go out to eat because my dad didn’t like to “spend that kind of money”.  Once I was old enough to earn my own money, I tried getting him a cool new gadget or a new polo shirt and of course I could never go wrong with a package of his favorite chocolate bar – KIT KAT.

This year, though, Father’s Day means almost more to me than when he was physically here because his absence has left a gaping hole – exposing a space in my life that has always just been there…but is now “gone.” I can’t help but notice it.

Whenever I go to his house, I look for him still. I wait for him to come out of his room or up from the basement talking in his thickly accented voice that flooded out anyone else’s. I look for him out in his yard, puttering about in his garden or thinking over things on his bench or sneaking his finger into the candy jar in the kitchen. I think my kids still secretly wish he’d come out and play with them, build those amazing train tracks or fall asleep on the floor with them after reading countless books. We all miss seeing him wave us goodbye from his front porch or try to sneak in one last word through the van window as we hurried on to our next activity or home for bed.

I miss his voice. I miss listening to him interrupt us or go on and on…and on and on…about this or that. I miss being able to ask his advice or opinion, even if I usually received more than his two cents worth in reply.

I miss hearing his dry and calloused bare feet shuffle across the creaky wood floors.

I miss his face, even his worried eyes and furrowed brow. And his thick hair. 

I miss it all.

Yet, while all these memories of him make me feel his absence so profoundly and intensely that it fills me with a pain unlike anything else, they also carry a certain…good. These memories make me feel sad for what I don’t have anymore, but they also fill me with a special kind of joy and a deep and sincere gratitude for all the little things I loved – or even disliked – about him that I didn’t really appreciate or give much thought to before.These memories fill my soul to the brim and a wave of sorrow and gratitude spills over. 

One of the hardest things I’m learning with loss, is wondering what it’s like for them after death. When my husband travels I can text him or talk to him on the phone and see how his day is like. We can share pictures of our adventures with friends and family miles and oceans apart. But when someone dies, there’s no “Facebook” or Instagram, no long-distance phone service to find out how their journey is going.  I sometimes find myself scrolling mindlessly through social media feeds, maybe somehow subconsciously hoping I’ll be able to “find” him there, as silly as that sounds.

I wonder if he can hear me or see me. Maybe it’s like a baby monitor – he can hear and see me, I just can’t receive his transmissions back. 

But as I think and pray and reflect and let God speak through the silence of my grief, I realize that if I believe all of us, the living people here, are united with each other through Christ, I suppose those in heaven are still united with us here… In a different way, a deeper way.

It’s a highly sophisticated technology right, Dad? That allows you to be with me in my deepest inner self.

One day, a few weeks after he’d passed away, I was so torn and wished I could go and find him somewhere and just hug him or hold his hand.  In my heart, I felt as if my dad said to me –

You don’t need to go anywhere to find me. You don’t need to miss me because I’m right here with you now…in your soul now. And we are connected, joined,  now in a deeper way than we could have been before.  A better way. 

And so, that’s what I cling to. Some would say this is just a psychological survival mechanism to “get me through this”. Maybe so. But so what? I know I can’t prove that my dad is “in my soul” but you know what, it doesn’t matter. I can either choose to believe it or not. I choose to believe he is somehow connected with me still, not only because it makes me feel better, but because in some unexplained mysterious way, I know it’s true. Even though I know there’s nothing I can say to prove it to anyone else. 

So, to those who have no father physically present with you on this Father’s Day, let us celebrate and honor them anyway.

Let us remember the good memories. Let us reflect on their lives in a way we couldn’t have before – when we maybe took their presence with us for granted or when we couldn’t see the good through the bad. Let us be thankful – for the gift of our existence and life. Let us forgive any pains or regrets they may have caused us in the past. Let us hold them in our hearts, now, in a special and very intimate way. It’s through the spirit of gratitude that we will find peace and healing.

Here’s to you Dad. I love you. Thank you for being my dad when you were with my physically and now, as you are with me in a new – and maybe even better – way.

One day we’ll dance together again. I only hope they don’t play country music in heaven. 😉

 


The Comparison Parenting Trap

I’ve been thinking some more about the comparison trap and my fear of making other people envious I blogged about a few days ago. In Kay Wills Wyma’s book that I mentioned, I’m Happy for You (Sort Of…Not Really): Finding Contentment in a Culture of Comparison, towards the end she says something that stuck with me –

…this attempt to tame comparison began with my eyes being opened to its destructive and peace-stealing nature in the parenting realm…Though I think we’ve seen that comparison strikes everywhere, its effects concern me most in the area of parenting because that happens to be where I live…

Judgmental and envious comparison is most definitely a HUGE destructive force in the parenting world, or at least it has been for me and, from what I’ve observed, for many other parents out there.

In my Be Happy for Me post, I shared my fears of sharing about myself for fear it would somehow make others feel less compared to what I shared. But that’s only part of it.

I think another reason I hesitate sharing about my life or opinions or what our family is up to is the fear that others will compare to their own opinions or life ideas, and then – the worst part – that they will judge me based solely on what I said – or at least on what I tried to say.

It seems there is nothing beyond ridicule or judgment these days. It makes it almost impossible to share anything about ourselves without someone feeling either offended or self-righteous.

I think this is especially true in the parenting world these days.

There is an opinion about everything parenting-related. From how/if/when to become pregnant to how to birth, feed, diaper, sleep, not sleep, dress, play, etc, etc.

I remember, as a new mom, how incredibly helpless and dumb I felt. I thought I would just know how to be a mother. How to give birth and how to feed my child or change her diaper.

But I didn’t know anything.

So I checked out all the books and then – this is where I may have gone wrong – I got onto the Internet and joined all those mommy parenting forums seeking answers.

Some of the information I read was helpful. But as I spent more time reading others’ ideas and experiences, I looked and read and listened to all the different ways other parents were doing it and suddenly, I felt like I had no idea what I was doing and that I was doing it all wrong.

I wish I could send tell my back-then self – “You’re NOT doing it wrong.

And I wonder now, had I not had as many outside influences to compare to, would I have eventually figured it out? Would I have been as overwhelmed, stressed, and anxious about every.single. parenting decision I made?

I was talking with my mom about this and asked her if the comparison parenting judgement traps existed when she was raising us in a time without internet forums and social media.

She said yes, comparison and judgement have always been around and always will be. But she agreed it probably wasn’t as easy to see as it is now. All we have to do now is log on to Facebook or visit the blogs and we’re inundated with opinions and standards about everything we should and shouldn’t do for our children.

I look back at the past 11 years and realize how I entangled myself in all the parenting comparison traps. I look back and remember in disgust at myself how smug I became as I flailed around trying to figure out how to mother my children.

I’m not sure if it’s my age or the number of years I’ve now experienced as a mother, but I feel like I’m finally wriggling out of that trap.  As Kay continues to comment in her book,

I know I will be a parent for the rest of my life, but as the kids get older, I care less and less about societal noise.

And it’s so freeing!

The more I stop comparing myself to what I identified as “better” mothers, the more I’ve become a better mother myself.

I think there is a time and place for looking to other parents to see how they do it. I’ve learned many valuable lessons from my community of mothers, both in my day-to-day life and even on the evil Internet. (gasp!)

But at some point, I, and all parents, have to figure out who am as a mother and who my children are. At some point, I have to stop looking at what others are doing and “pay attention to the unique work God has given me“.

And as I gain more confidence in this, I feel less worried or fearful about what others may think of how I parent.

It’s also becoming easier to hear and look at what others are doing without immediately comparing myself to them or judging them. Instead, I’m able to observe it and honestly say, “Hey, that’s a new idea, thanks for sharing,” and then decide whether or not it’s something that would be helpful for me to try. And if it’s not, then that’s great it works for them but that doesn’t mean if it doesn’t work for me that I’m a terrible mother.

The same goes vice versa. Instead of dolling out unsolicited advice to embellish my own ego or strengthen my own opinions, I care more about listening to what other mothers struggle with and – if asked and if it is truly helpful – then I offer up some words of encouragement or ideas that may or may not work for that mother and that particular child or situation.

Or at least this is what I’m trying to do more of.  I’m sure I’ll always be in progress.

Have you found comparison to be “destructive and peace-stealing” in your parenting life? Or have you always been confident and indifferent to others’ opinions? (good for you if so!)

Related Posts with Thumbnails